She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
