I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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