If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
