A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
