I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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