He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
where am i from again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
