Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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