Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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