Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I believe in your delicious
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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