I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
