i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
