don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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