She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he fucked my hip out of place.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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