we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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