I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
