Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize