He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
