Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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