perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
