my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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