Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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