I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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