Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
