Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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