She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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