I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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