I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
