is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
