Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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