just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
