In the future we'll all be gay
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
