yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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