If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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