Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
