...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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