pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
