Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
