I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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