i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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