look no pants
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
