She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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