i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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