bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
