Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
cat food counts as protein by the way
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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