my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
