Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
