I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
