; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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