We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
