She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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