Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you will always have a special place in my vag
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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