i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
