you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
