Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

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(919): View more from North Carolina

They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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(705): View more from Ontario

And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".

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(909): View more from California

According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers

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(716): View more from New York

I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.

(1-716): View more from New York

I'm fine with that

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