Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
