I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
