the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
