Your dad touched me again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
