hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
