My first STD was from a foam party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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