Sry I called you an 8
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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