dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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