trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
