Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
