Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
