Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
