Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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