11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
