I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
