I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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