I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
