fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
