Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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