I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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