So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was confusing and full of hummus
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
