Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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